Weigh In Wednesday: Feb. 19

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Pretty Strong Medicine

Hello everybody! Welcome to Weigh-In Wednesday!
Please go check out my sweet co-host!

Ash @ A Step in the Right Direction

If you're new to the link-up, please leave a comment & say hi!

Once again my plan to write more posts in a week has failed. I blink my eyes and it's already Wednesday!  Let's jump to the weigh in, shall we? To my shock and surprise, I'm the same weight as last week. 

Even since I started doing this link up back in May, I have never shared my actual weight. Within the last few months it became apparent that people I know read the blog which further hampered any desire to share my weight.

It just seems super hypocritical to be the host of a "weigh in" and not share this side of myself. Set backs are made dramatically easier when all I do is provide vague details about my weight loss. I'm still participate in a way that is comfortable for me & I think we all know very little is accomplished when we are "comfortable."

A little background. Two weekends ago, after much frustration, I started looking into going back to Weight Watchers. I joined my senior year of high school, eventually losing 20 lbs before going to college (and then I gained it all back plus 40 lbs more). I know it isn't the plan that helps - points or calories, it's all the same to me. I don't really feel that Weight Watchers teaches healthful habits either but one thing I did enjoy was the accountability. Being a poor medical student, my friend and I decided to be each other's accountability since we are both getting married this summer. We weigh in a Saturday mornings now. So if I can share that deeply personal statistic with her, I think I should be doing it here as well. Without further ado...

Yup. That says 211.8. Now the rest of my stats:
Height: 5'8"
SW: 236.2 lb (yikes)
Loss this week: 0.0 lb
Total Loss: 24.8 lb

I hate this. I've started to share my weight more than a handful of times and I always end up deleting it. I feel ashamed. I feel guilty. I feel worthless. - all because of a stupid number. 

You all are now my accountability, too. I know the number isn't the most important thing which is why I share other aspects of my training but I think it's important for me to be honest with myself about how far I still have to go since I am overweight and I do need to lose more.

These feelings came to a head yesterday during my Intro. to Clinical Medicine class. We just started our Cardiovascular block so we're learning a more in-depth cardio physical exam. Two of my friends were having trouble finding my femoral pulse (which is right in that bikini line area). They called one of the docs over who proceeded to say "You have to press harder on people with 'extra tissue.'" Clearly it was a comment that was meant to be instructive, not malicious. But it stuck with me and it brought up a lot of the comments I've heard my whole life "you have a beautiful face but...you could lose X pounds" and a variety of other weight-related comments. 

I know I should be proud of the progress I've made and even if the scale isn't changing as fast as I would like, I should KNOW I'm changing. But then I get wrapped up in the feelings I described above. I just hope one of these days the pride and strength with predominate the doubt and worthlessness. Am I alone here?

A few more updates:

Last night I had my 5th long run for half marathon training. The weather was pretty great - started out at 48 degrees so I didn't have to layer up too much.  The run, on the other hand, was HARD. I haven't run 6 miles since November when I ran my 10K. I wanted to quit. I wanted to give up. 

Usually after about a mile or two, I find my groove. The endophins kick in and I stop feeling and just run. That moment never really came last night...it was a struggle. I haven't been getting all my short runs in lately which is probably the problem. Since the weather is getting better, my goal is to follow my training schedule to a T this week. 

I'm starting to get scared to run more than 6 miles - I've never done this before! Luckily next week is a fall back week where we just run for 40 minutes so I'll have time to get lots of mileage in before the 7 mile doozy!

Whew...so there it is. Enjoy the rest of your week and make it a great one!


  1. Lol to the Last Turtle card! You're doing fine! Keeping going!

  2. New to the link up--my first ever:) Don't be discouraged--you are doing great! Thanks for hosting something like this! Keeps us all accountable!

  3. You shouldn't be discouraged at all. I feel all of those same things about my weight. You are working on it though and doing the best you can, nothing to be ashamed of.

    PS, Congrats on the long run! That's awesome!!!

  4. Girl regardless of what you might think for what it's worth I think you are doing awesome for all the stress I know you are under!!! Just breathe and take it one step at a time!!! xoxo

  5. You will find that now you have put the number out there, it will get easier. I remember the first time I put my weight on....I let my fingers hover over the keyboard for a long time and finally just did it!

    If you are looking for a program with accountability AND meetings...check out TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) I am the leader for our chapter. Registration is only 32 a year, with a small monthy fee (our group has set ours at $10) But it gives me a group of peers with the same struggle and the accountability of the scales. You can go to 1 meeting for free....I really recommend you check it out!


  6. I can so relate, I was on the verge of just losing weight on my own and not linking up with this because I didn't want people to see how bad it was. I found it to be such a good thing though after I did. It was nice to own up to the weight I had gained and was ready to get on board for real! It's also great when people know your number and get to cheer you on and on as you work harder. way to go girl, we are all here for you!!

  7. This was a very brave post. Your honesty is really refreshing and I think a TON of people feel the same way you do. Keep up the running! You're doing great! Thanks for sharing and hosting the link-up! Abrazos!

  8. I've never heard of taking the femoral pulse. Why would you need to do that?
    You had a great run!

  9. Six miles! That's awesome! You should be as proud of that as losing over 20 pounds already!

  10. You are so not alone. We're here with you. In the same boat. I still can't seem to bring myself to share my weight on my blog. I've got a number in my head, that when I get down to that, I'll share. It's not like people don't know that I'm heavy, but people I know read my blog, and I feel super embarrassed, especially since I'm a nurse in my community, and everyone knows me. I feel like I should have a better grip on my weight, but I just haven't since first year University. In the first year I gained like 40-50 lbs. Forget about the freshman 15!

    Anyway, you are awesome, and you've come so far already. I know it's hard not to get down on yourself when you don't see the numbers you want to see, but I know you will! Keep on keeping on! :)

  11. A lot of research shows that the cardiovascular and physical benefits of losing weight comes from moving toward your ideal weight, not necessary being at your ideal weight. The health benefits don't just start after you've reached a certain weight. If you can consistently move towards a healthier weight, you'll already be getting some of the benefits of weight loss. Keep at it.