I've talked pretty frequently about my fears when it comes to weight loss and life in general. I live in constant a fear (that sounds so dramatic) of being judged by others; mostly because of my weight. I feel like being heavier somehow portrays certain things about my personality or my habits to people which they then use to decide who I am.
Thoughts and anxieties swirl around my head such as I must be lazy, I must eat crap all the time, I am not attractive, or I must not care about my health. Worse still, I'm not worthy of friendship or I'm not smart enough, pretty enough, funny enough, etc. to make up for my unworthiness. These anxieties really used to affect not only my self-worth, but also my ability to trust and connect with others.
As I've started exercising, eating better, sleeping better, and taking time to care for myself, I've noticed a shift. I'm not 100% confident yet and I'm only at the beginning of my journey but I'm starting to learn to love myself - belly fat and all. I'm starting to realize that my body is capable of all sorts of awesome things! I can run for miles (most of the time), I can lift heavy and hard, I can run around the house with kids I babysit for and have Nerf gun wars, and I can start to bring that confidence to other areas of my life.
I originally started this post because I found myself "hiding" in my room tonight doing a Chalene Johnson workout. I didn't want my new roommate to see how ridiculous I look jumping around with all 200+ lbs of Heather flopping about. It's the same reason I avoided the gym for many years at school - judgement (even though my roommate is super nice and sweet). I often heard people complaining that they didn't want to see fat people at the gym. "Fat people should just stay home so no one is forced to look at that." Screw that notion. Flop around, wobbly bits. You won't be there much longer...
Don't get me wrong, all those steps are NOT easy or fun or natural. Every single day is a struggle and many times I lose that struggle. I think what makes the difference is that we all keep trying to get better. Instead of the all-or-nothing attitude I've adopted in the past, I'm learning that I can make the small changes and that they start to add up. I don't have to go from McDonald's to vegan yogi standing on my head all in one day.
Also, I think I'm getting rid of Disqus soon unless I can figure out how to make it more convenient while I'm in school. It seems like email may be the best way to answer comments. I'll keep you posted!
Now I want to hear from you all! (Feel free to comment with a link to your blog post if you have answers to this questions!)
How does fear play a role in your lives?
How do you tame fear?
How have things changed since your started your fitness journey?